Having always assumed that with wealth came good taste (two things I’m short on), I’ve discovered through Zillow how little correlation there is.

“Was it the weekend? Did I have to be somewhere? Had I skipped my oil change?”

“I never thought I had it in me to become a high-output cookie baker, given how much I dislike, well, baking cookies.”

“We didn’t have much time to dwell on our poor choice of tree, however, because a few hours later, it fell over. “

“All these years, my creativity has been hampered by one shortcoming: my crippling practicality.”

“On the unseasonably warm days when I most want to walk with the dog, the ticks want to ride him like a party bus.”